African American women are often the subject of relationship debates. Many believe they will never get married because of their high standards for potential partners and their hesitance to date outside their race.
The five characteristics below describe many black women I know. These characteristics were taken from ‘s 29 dimensions of compatibility. The idea is that if you and your potential mate are compatible on 29 dimensions, your relationship will succeed. While I do not cover all 29 dimensions, taking a look at five dimensions was beneficial. This notion of matching based on these attributes seems fair to me. After reading these five characteristics, you may realize why black women are right for you.
Strong Self Concept. A black woman believes in her own ability. Many have been told from a young age that they are wonderful and that they can do anything they want. I know this is not consistent with the images sometimes shown in the media. Yet, I remember positive validation from both my mother and father. They encouraged me to be independent and follow my dreams.
Industrious. She is strong and self-sufficient. She often works two or three jobs to make ends meet. After work, she makes time to prepare meals and catch up with the family. She oversees all of the activities of the household to ensure a stable environment. She may even go out for fun on the weekend. Her life is active and energetic.
Artistic Expression. A black woman enjoys the arts. She is often a part of a dance team or book club. She attends and may participate in plays. She can make meals that require inexpensive food that her family will love. She knows how to balance the finances when someone loses a job until another job is secured. She can coordinate an outfit in a heartbeat.
Family Goals. She loves her family and usually wants children. She wants her family to grow up understanding the importance of family. She introduces them to relatives and takes them to family reunions. She shares family history. She teaches her family who to trust or not to trust. A black woman has most likely experienced racism and discrimination first hand, so she looks to protect her children from it. She sees when her children are inappropriately placed in classrooms at school and works to make corrections. She is quick to confront issues and develop solutions that keep her family out of harm’s way.
Social Skills. She is a skillful entertainer. An African American woman might be considered the “queen” of the family gathering. No one can put together a flavorful, exhaustive, satisfying, home cooked meal like a black woman. Her guests can smell the aromas traveling through the house. They know what’s about to happen. The feast of the year is going down. Everyone will eat, play spades, dominoes and bid whist. The kids might dance and watch movies. Someone will turn on the football game. Relatives who haven’t seen each other in a while will take the opportunity to clown around. After the meal, the party often extends to bowling, skating, shopping, clubbing, etc.
So, as I looked at five of the 29 dimensions, it became more apparent that a black woman may be right for anyone who fits with her dimensions. She may be right for a Black person, an Asian person, a Latin person, a Japanese person, a French person, an Italian person, or any person. A black woman may be right for you.
A black woman finding a mate has less to do with her changing and bending her person to fit someone else’s mold. It has more to do with everyone understanding who she is and ensuring that the focus is on finding a mate with a good fit, even if that means dating outside the race or within a different occupational or economic background.